You may have heard the idiom:
“Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
The rhyme is meant to persuade a victim of verbal bullying to ignore the hurtful remarks. Is it ever that easy? We aren’t told to ignore compliments. How are insults any different?
I chose to do a documentary photography project on verbal bullying in an attempt to face my own struggles, and to learn from others. I decided to make uplifting portraits juxtaposed by the disparaging remarks we were once told. Could I find a way to uplift us out of these words?
Throughout my life, I have experienced verbal bullying. I have been taunted for my short stature, curvy frame, and higher-pitched voice using words like “French Fry, “Thunder Thighs,” and passive aggressively mimicking my voice. I was once called “Irrelevant” by the president of a theatre fraternity at a school I had recently relocated to, in an attempt to discredit and minimize my experience and award-winning background from my previous school. Every insult held it’s own sting, but one in particular has affected me greatly.
A decade ago, I went though the first major breakup of my life. I had been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years. I couldn’t handle the separation, so I latched onto a new guy quickly. The relationship only lasted 6 months, but it left me with seemingly irreparable damage when my then boyfriend asked me, “Can you lose some weight? I have always dated skinny girls.” He then touched his stomach while looking at mine. I complied and lost nearly 30 lbs. regressing into an eating disorder. I was still curvy, still depressed, still grieving for the long-term relationship that had come to an end; a relationship with a man that repeatedly told me he loved me no matter what with no strings or measuring tapes attached. For ten years now, I have been enveloped in a constant struggle to measure up to a standard that does not, and never will apply to me. My confidence has been diminished. Those eleven words have cast a long shadow over the goals I have worked so tirelessly to accomplish. I wanted to finally overcome those words, someway, somehow.
I found tremendous bravery and vulnerability in each person I got to know and photograph. These are tenacious, vibrant people that lead dynamic lives. At times, I was surprised by the insults they shared, because the confidence they embodied hid so well the hurt inside. I discovered that people from every age and background are affected by verbal bullying and that I am not alone. I learned that it isn’t so easy for many people to ignore the insults they have endured, like the age-old idiom suggests.
